I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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