there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
