She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
