I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
