just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
