Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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