I'm drive I can fine osifer
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
