How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
