I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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