we have officially lost it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
