I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
