Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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