TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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