I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
