I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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