I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
