He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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