Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
