i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.