I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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