i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER