Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
