Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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