I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
