The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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