u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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