Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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