talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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