question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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