The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
