Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We left the knife in your bed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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