Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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