There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
