Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
