she looked like the before picture.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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