Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
