tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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