Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
