1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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