her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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