I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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