An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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