The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
