Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
