I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize