my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think my vagina is haunted
babies were throwing up all over the place
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕