Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man