so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you