my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...