Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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