ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
