Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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