chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
