the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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