You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
