um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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