I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
