So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
