ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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