I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
