I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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