Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Bring me that man meat
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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