i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
