You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
not ubering you a puppy
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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