my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
