I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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