If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
