talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
