Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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