i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
