guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
