Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
