I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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