Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
