It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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