I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
