If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
