sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
