I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
