Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
