She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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