not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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