Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
