I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
