Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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