dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
