omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
