sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
