So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
