Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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