I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
