So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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