There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize